Tag Archives: Common ground

Common Ground


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“Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

What do I have in common with my fiancé?

Well… we both love art. In fact, we met in an art class – over 30 years ago – back when we were both 15 year old infants. We have carried this love of art into our adulthood and we often visit museums together, talk about films and music, analyzing the artists’ intent, the message, the relevance, whether we relate to it, whether we plain old like it.

We are both news junkies and often discuss stories.

We play cards together.

We go for walks together.

We both have a similar sense of dark, biting humor.

We visit car shows and both dream of (and have started saving our pennies for) a Dodge SRT Hellcat Challenger in Plum Crazy Purple with Oracle Halo Lights (in either blue or white), Lambo doors, custom rims and an after market air intake.  (That being said, we’d also settle for a Charger. It depends on what is available when we have money.)

We dream of taking occasional road trips as this car will be our one large toy – in lieu of the stereotypical cabin or boat.

We are on the same page financially. We made plans and goals together and are equally committed to them.

We both put our kids first before anyone else except each other. And the thing is, neither of us can think of anything more fun or amazing or important than dropping our plans to get a visit from one of them – his or mine.

But really, it goes deeper than that.

When I reconnected with the beautiful soul I once called my friend who I soon will call my husband, I heard his story – over time – from our missing years. I came to understand that he values his needs, feelings and wants the same way he values other people’s needs, feelings and wants.  He does not feel guilty for his needs, feelings and wants and does not feel guilty for communicating what he wants or needs.  He respects my rights and recognizes and acknowledges them as being equally important to his own. He does not feel threatened because I have my own wants, needs, thoughts and feelings. He does not judge my (or anyone else’s) needs, wants, thoughts and feelings.

He is not afraid of losing my love, friendship or approval by expressing himself. He is the first to apologize if he has done something wrong or insensitive but… he does not apologize for things that are out of his control and out of his realm of responsibility. He decided long ago that he was not going to live life being angry or resentful.  He was not going to live a life filled with ‘what ifs.’ He is done with the facades and pretending. He is perfectly happy living life, content with how he was created, satisfied doing the very best that he can.

And… I love that about him.

My soul shouts, ‘Me, too!’

While it is a work in progress and he is a little farther along than I am, we are both done with being something we are not.

We are both happy and committed to being our individual selves.

We have both decided to ignore the noise of the world and to live authentically, true to ourselves – quietly – under our own terms.

And, we plan on doing this together the rest of our lives.